Yacht announces details new album

The band YACHT will release a new album this year. The album will see the light of day on the 21st of June (so still a long way to go there people) and it will be called Shangri-La. It will be released by the DFA label and it was produced by the band members themselves with the help of Bobby Birdman (now there’s a name!). The album will contain ten tracks.

One track is called ‘Dystopia (The Earth is on Fire)’, and this was the name of a project where brilliant minds came together to develop a brilliant plan for what to do in the unlikely event that the earth indeed would be on fire. What follows now are a few of the excerpts from the official report.

In the unlikely event that the world might catch fire, the first course of action should always be to try and extinguish it. Therefore, it should be obligatory to carry towels for everyone. If that fails, release a pamphlet stating the following: Dear citizens of the world. We have purposely set the world on fire as it was broken. Therefore, by doing this, we put ourselves in a position to rebuild a world that does not only function, but that will thrive, that will be beautiful, and that will cater to every person’s needs and wants and wishes! From the rubble of a broken world will rise an empire of greatness and prosperity!

However, for this to happen, we can only go on with a certain percentage of the current population. People who should unfortunately have to go up in flames are:

They who didn’t drink milk when they were young
They who still drink milk after their fiftieth birthday
They who cannot speak the English language, which will be appointed as lingua franca
They who can speak English but cannot pass their ICT exams
They who do not resemble Elizabeth Taylor in her prime
They who do not resemble James Dean
They who cannot style their hair in a quiff without help
They who have never played Mario Kart
They who have played Mario Kart but did not do so with the Yoshi character

Furthermore, 40% of the population will have to consist of gay males as to not immediately overpopulate the new world again. Plus we need some decorators to decorate the new world.